South Park Texts
by Majuscule Milquetoast
Summary: It's seems like everyone has a phone in South Park. Basically, just a bunch of text conversations exchanged between the residents of town on a daily basis.
1. Tweek and Craig

**Craig:** We're going to see a movie.

**Tweek:** when? nOW? i have to ask parents if i can or not.. u always ask me 2 go places at the randomest of times wth

**Craig:** Yes, now. For once, the nice and boring doesn't seem so appealing; I'm practically clawing my hair out in pure boredom. I think your craziness has rubbed off on me if I'm ripping out my hair too, Tweekers. And don't complain; at least I'm getting you out of the house for once.

**Tweek:** don;t blame me! fine ill ask them right now

**Craig:** What did they say?

**Tweek:** give me a sec, jeez! uGhubg

**Tweek:** they said yea

**Tweek:** well actually my mom ignored my question and my dad went on about metaphors and coffee blenders but i dont think they really care whetherr or not i go out

**Craig:** Good. I'll come pick you up.

**Tweek:** cool. ill see u in a minute ;)

**Tweek:** OH MY GOD THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SMILEY FACE I SWEAR

**Tweek:** NOT A WINKY ONE I PROMISE CRAIG

**Craig:** ...

**Tweek:** GOD IM SORRY DONT BE MAD

**Craig:** It's fine.

**Tweek:** NO NO NOW UR CREEPED OUT

**Tweek: **SHIT

**Craig:** I said its fine. Calm down.

**Tweek:** uGHUGHUGHGUGHHHH

**Craig:** Tweek.

**Tweek:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFG

**Craig:** Tweek?

**Craig:** ...

**Craig:** I'll wait for you outside.

* * *

**A/N: There will probably be a whole bunch of these in a little series after I post up the first batch- I'll try to not make them suck _too_ bad haha**

**Also, you should check out Sakazaki-Chan, she's really cool!**


	2. Butters and Cartman

**Cartman:** hey fag

**Butters:** howdy eric! i wish you didn't call me that :(

**Cartman:** if u didnt use dumb gay emoticon smilys i probablee wouldn't

**Butters:** aw but eric! they're really cool! even kenny said so! ^_^

**Cartman:** yea but kinneh is a poor faggot

**Butters:** i'm sure he'd be awful sore if he heard that! kenny's a nice fella anyway!

**Cartman:** no hes knot. he smells of cat piss and eats bread sandwitches for dinner.

**Butters:** i wouldn't be makin fun of kenny if i were you! or else mysterion might come for ya! and that'd be a shame, cause you really don't deserve gettin your ass kicked by him! D:

**Butters:** ...who knows, maybe professor chaos will step in too! :)

**Cartman:** butters keep you're dumbass alter ego under raps, ok? i dont think kinneh would be man enuff to fight me anyway- even if he is wearing his underware on the outside

**Butters:** i wouldn't be so sure...

**Cartman:** ...ok butters who the fuck is that outside my window

**Butters:** butters is no longer here, in his place is professor chaos, bringer of darkness! mwhahahahaaha :D

**Cartman:** no butters really who the fuck is that

**Cartman:** butters

**Cartman:** bUTTERS

**Cartman:** I have his phone. –M

**Butters:** nice work, mysterion! Sometimes villains and heroes _can_ work together! mwhaha

**Cartman:** Its ok, Chaos. Though it pains me to work side by side with such an evil mastermind, we both did a good job. Now I'm going to fuck around with his contacts. -M

**Butters:** yeah! mwhaha :D

**Cartman:** On a side note, do you want to hang out later. I mean, do you and Kenny want to hang out. Later. Um. He asked me to ask you. Yeah. –M

**Butters:** well ill let butters know! see ya later alligator! :)

**Cartman:** You're the worst villain I know, Chaos. But yeah, I'll make sure Kenny will come meet up with Butters later. Bye. -M


	3. Kyle and Stan

**Stan: **kyhl

**Kyle:** Are you drunk?

**Stan:** i loev u

**Kyle:** ...I take that as a yes?

**Stan:** u suck kyle

**Kyle:** And you swallow.

**Stan:** wat does tha even mean im not a bird kyle

**Kyle:** I didn't mean the bird.

**Stan:** kyle im sad why do u do this to mea :(

**Kyle:** Stan, you do this every week. You get drunk and emotional, and rather than texting your GIRLFRIEND, you decide to bombard me with dumb messages that make little sense instead. I wish you didn't do this.

**Stan:** fuck of

**Kyle:** I'm going to stop answering you now.

**Stan:** kyelllllll

**Stan:** kyleeeee

**Stan:** kalllll

**Kyle:** What?

**Stan:** the world is shtty but its fine im gonna get u and were gonna have fuN and everythng will be a;ll ok

**Kyle:** I'm confiscating your beer, dude.

**Stan:** kyuleeeeeeeeeeee

**Stan:** bae plz

**Kyle:** Stan, no.

**Stan:** do u ever feel like a plstic bag

**Kyle:** Are you seriously texting me lyrics to a Katy Perry song.

**Stan:** the dj put it on and i#m jamming to it #no shameee

**Kyle:** Do you want me to pick you up, or...?

**Stan:** mabe. kenny is on the floor layin in his own vomit and craig saqys he has to go cause tweekkkk

**Stan:** i think ken is dead k

**Stan:** omg killing kenniy

**Kyle:** You bastards!

**Kyle:** Anyway, I understand that Craig is the only sober one?

**Stan:** yea but hes all pissy and he said he was only hear cause he was bored and he was gon give our sorry asses a lift home bt he just sat in the corner textin tweek all smiley asn shit

**Kyle:** Maybe that's because Craig actually has his fucking life in check, unlike a certain guy I know.

**Stan:** oK kylee I UnDERSTAND your mad but kenny did nothing wrong he is doin ok on the floor there

**Kyle:** I wasn't talking about Kenny.

**Stan:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Kyle:** I'm coming to get you. Sit tight and don't do anything _too _ridiculous, for everyone's sake.

**Stan:** theres a reason y ur my super best frinddd

**Kyle:** Stan, I swear to God. I'm cringing for the both of us.

**Stan:** ur still a piece of shit tho

**Stan:** but i still love uuuuuu

**Kyle:** I'm done.


	4. Bebe and Wendy

**Bebe:** Hey, Wends? Guess what!

**Wendy:** What?

**Bebe:** I found a certain _someone_ dragging your boyfriends butt home! Said someone had a very nice ass.

**Wendy:** Let me guess, was he a redheaded Jewish boy?

**Bebe:** OMG yeah. He's stealing your man Wends lol

**Wendy:** I'm pretty sure that Stan and Kyle are just friends. Albeit, rather... Close, but nevertheless, still just friends.

**Bebe:** That's what they alllll say! XD

**Wendy:** Haha, very funny. But, how did you find them, anyway?

**Bebe:** Like I said- said redheaded Jewish boy had a very nice ass. So, I had to do some research on it. It was the finest ass in all the land. An ass so fine, people came from miles to marvel at it. An ass so great, that it could be worn as a hat. Probably. I wouldn't know; I've never tried to wear an ass as a hat before. But if any ass could be worn as a hat, it would be Kyle's.

**Wendy:** TMI Bebe

**Bebe:** I'm only speaking the truth! Everyone must know of the great ass!

**Wendy:** But you don't have to be such a creep about it! No offence.

**Bebe:** Aw, come on! You've made me sit HOURS while you talk about Stan. 'Oh, Stan did this,' 'Stan did that' All he ever does is throw up on your shoes!

**Bebe:** Plus, literally the only cute kids in class are Stan, who's taken, Token, who's taken, Craig, who's also taken, and Kyle!

**Wendy:** Doesn't Craig go out with Tweek? :S

**Bebe:** He keeps denying it- but I think so! Why?

**Wendy:** It's a bit odd, don't you think? Of all people, Craig chose... Tweek? I mean, I knew he was gay- it was obvious. The whole Thomas fiasco, and the metro phase... But, _Tweek?_ Really?

**Bebe:** Awww! No, Tweek's adorable! I mean, have you seen him?! He's a really nice guy when he's not so twitchy! We've been friends for years; I would know, trust me! XD

**Wendy:** Sorry, I didn't mean it that way! Tweek's an ok guy, I just meant that I wouldn't think he and Craig would be compatible. After the previous hostility towards each other and all...

**Bebe:** Have you ever heard of opposites attract? It just makes sense! :D

**Wendy:** Not really. :/

**Bebe:** Yes really! Ugh, you have to _observe_, Wendy! You're too wrapped up in Stan to realise what else is going on! It's the stoic bad boy (I'll pretend Craig isn't a total dork for a moment) and the shy outsider! Perfect~

**Wendy:** Fine, I'll agree with you. Even though a 'bad boy' is literally the last thing I'd use to describe Craig. And Tweek is one of the most popular boys in class. But just because I don't feel like arguing right now. I still think the pair are odd together, though.

**Wendy:** ...Also, Kenny is pretty cute.

**Bebe:** OMG I totally forgot about Kenny! And you shouldn't be saying that, since you're in a relationship already, Wends! Lol

**Bebe:** But, Kenny seems too involved with his little superhero game. Plus the fact he doesn't even turn up for school 70% of the time, for some inane reason, so he'd probably be pretty sucky in a relationship if you never get to see him! Also, he's more interested in tits then brains; and I'm not going down my mother's path

**Wendy:** True. But there's also other kids! Like... Butters! He's, nice, I guess.

**Bebe:** Ew, no! Butters is really weird! If I have to go out with Butters, you have to have Cartman!

**Wendy:** No. -_-

**Bebe:** Look at all the Oreos you two can share~ :)

**Wendy:** One time, Bebe. That was one time. Remember when you went out with Clyde? Yeah, I remember.

**Bebe:** Ok, you win! Clyde is nothing more than a cry-baby wannabe jock boy.

**Wendy:** How about we don't mention either of those events ever again? Does this sparkle with you?

**Bebe:** Sunshine! :D

**Wendy:** Good. :)


	5. Clyde and Token

**Clyde:** tokessssssssssssss

**Token:** yeah?

**Clyde:** heyyyyyyyyy

**Token:** hi?

**Clyde:** wasssssupppppp

**Token:** my moms dragged me to the store to buy some more sweaters. shoot me now.

**Clyde:** at least u can afford ugly christmas sweaters unlike SOME OF US *cough cough* me *cough cough* caniborrowthreebucksplz *cough cough*

**Token:** i assumed this conversation had a reason behind it. why do you want it, anyway?

**Clyde:** im 3 dollars short of getting the new T&P asses of fire 2 on dvd

**Token:** i kinda think the newer terrance and phillip suck

**Clyde:** whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

**Clyde:** excuse me sir, my good friend token here has seemed to have misplaced his humour

**Token:** hear me out, man

**Clyde:** fineeeee but u better have a good reason

**Token:** i just think they're being lazy with their new episodes, that's all. like, they're not even funny anymore

**Clyde:** are u being serious

**Clyde:** token

**Clyde:** plz

**Token:** that's just my opinion

**Clyde:** well your opinion sucks

**Token:** do you want the $3?

**Clyde:** yes, cuz i am willing to spend my cash on good witty humour that matches my exquisnte taste

**Token:** *exquisite

**Clyde:** stfu

**Token:** anyway, your 'exquisnte' taste is too fancy and highbrow for me. what with your collectors edition of the powerpuff girls season set. i like your buttercup plushie clyde

**Clyde:** WHO THE FUCK TOLD U THAT

**Token:** a little birdie. hint- he wore a blue chullo

**Clyde:** I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MURDER CRAIG

**Token:** lmaooo

**Clyde:** well all he watches is shitty-ass red racer so he has no right

**Token:** you guys are literally the worst to watch anything with. craig insists on watching only red racer, tweek wont watch anything past PG, jimmy just wants to watch old comedy sketches that we've all seen a million times before, and now i finally know why you never want to watch anything either

**Clyde:** damn

**Token:** i gotta go; my moms getting pissy

**Token:** but clyde?

**Clyde:** yeahh

**Token:** DU DU DU DU DU DU DUUUU DU POWERPUFF!

**Clyde:** fuck off.

**Token:** bye bubbles


	6. Kenny and Butters

**Kenny:** (Hi.)

**Butters:** hey! :)

**Kenny:** (What's up?)

**Butters:** oh, nothin much, ken! im just takin my hamsters out their cage so they can stretch their legs and play! You? :D

**Kenny: **(Playing house with Karen. She insists that if I'm the Princess, she has to be the Prince. Seems fair.)

**Butters:** aw, your little sister sure is sweet!

**Kenny:** (Heh, yeah, I guess she is.)

**Kenny:** (Are you still coming over?)

**Butters:** i sure am! why wouldn't i be?

**Kenny:** (I was just checking. Thanks for coming around, anyway. Nobody wants to hang out in a poor kid's house, am I right?)

**Butters:** aw, ken! you better turn that frown upside down right now, mister! plus, you're plenty nice and awfully friendly; so why wouldn't i want to hang out with you? :)

**Kenny:** (Who says I'm frowning?)

**Butters:** well i just have a way of knowin is all! ;)

**Kenny:** (Hmm. You're a lot smarter than people give you credit for, you know that?)

**Butters**: well i'm not sayin i'm smart or nothin- i just have a way of knowin people! and i'd much rather your house than mine, ken!

**Kenny:** (I'm, like, 98% certain you are.)

**Kenny:** (Oh, and also, uh... Stay away from Cartman, all right? The guy's trouble.)

**Butters:** hmm, yeah, alright! but ol eric's actually a nice fella once you get to know him real well! he may be the biggest asshole i know, but sometimes he shows just a lil bit of humanity!

**Kenny:** (Really. I've known Cartman a long, long time, Butters. Why are you sticking up for the most fucked-up fatass in town?)

**Butters:** ...i know eric's done some awful things, but you always gotta give someone a second chance!

**Kenny:** (I honestly can't believe you. How can someone be so nice? What the fuck?)

**Butters:** i just treat people they way i'd like to be treated :)

**Kenny:** (But he's not a person. He's a monster. I know first-hand, Butters. I'm just trying to look out for you, dude.)

**Butters:** your concern is flattering, but i can handle myself, ken! :D

**Kenny:** (...Whatever you say, Butters.)

**Butters:** (also, why do you type like this, kenny? :0)

**Kenny:** (It's a habit. It's a little quirk that I find amusing.)

**Butters:** hehe, ok! i don't really get it, though! :D

**Kenny:** (That's ok; you don't need to. I've gotta go be Princess Kenny now, so I'll talk to you later, alright?)

**Butters:** alright! bye, ken! :)

**Kenny:** (See ya, Butters.)


	7. Jimmy and Timmy

**Jimmy:** hey, Tim-Tim!

**Timmy:** TIMMAH

**Jimmy:** haha, thanks! what are you up to?

**Timmy:** TIMMMYYYYYYY LIVIN A LIE

**Jimmy:** seems great! i'm working on some new jokes!

**Timmy:** TIMMA?

**Jimmy:** why, of course you can hear them!

**Jimmy:** knock, knock?

**Timmy:** TIMMY?

**Jimmy:** no, Timmy, you're not at the door.

**Timmy:** TIMAH?

**Jimmy:** let's try that again! knock, knock?

**Timmy:** TIMMMMAHHHHHH!?

**Jimmy:** ...timmy, I know you're doing this on purpose.

**Timmy:** TIMMY JIMMY

**Jimmy:** don't you fucking start with that shit, Timmy. i've looked at your name enough times now that I can't even recognise it as a real word.

**Timmy:** TIMMY

**Jimmy:** timmy you know that i know that you can type, right? you know that i know that you really don't need to be repeatedly typing out your name?

**Timmy:** SHIT

**Jimmy:** got ya, tim-tim.


	8. Bebe and Clyde

**Clyde:** hey babe

**Bebe:** Clyde, no.

**Clyde:** are u a parking ticket?

**Bebe:** Clyde.

**Clyde:** cause u got 'fine' written all over u ;)

**Bebe:** See, Clyde? This is why I dumped you. Free shoes are all you're good for.

**Clyde:** if u were a booger, id pick u first ;)

**Bebe:** That's disgusting.

**Clyde:** if i could rearrange the alphabet, id put 'u' and 'i' together

**Bebe:** You don't even know the alphabet.

**Clyde:** yuh-huh i do

**Bebe:** Prove it.

**Clyde:** a, b, c, d (do u need the d? hehe), e, f, g, h, i,

**Bebe:** That's as far as you know, right?

**Clyde:** wait wait

**Clyde:** i just need to remember the song, thats all

**Bebe:** Really.

**Clyde:** j, k, l, m, n, o, p,

**Clyde:** um

**Clyde:** s?

**Bebe:** It's 'Q', Clyde.

**Clyde:** oh

**Clyde:** i was close

**Bebe:** You weren't, Clyde. You really weren't.

**_10 Minutes Later_**

**Clyde:** hey craig

**Craig:** What.

**Clyde:** i totally won bebe over


	9. Pete and Michael

**Pete:** life sucks.

**Michael:** oh my god I knoooow. we're, like, so on the same wavelength

**Pete:** today i saw that miley cyrus wannabe heidi and i totally made her cry

**Michael:** no wayyy

**Pete:** i know. i feel empowered. tears and stuff. totally goth

**Michael:** totally

**Michael:** oh guess what

**Pete:** what

**Michael:** guess who i saw in fuckin walmart

**Pete:** why were you even in walmart

**Michael:** my mom wanted to do conformist things

**Michael:** also we ran out of milk

**Pete:** thats like torture omg

**Michael:** yeah i knowww

**Michael:** but yeah, fucking stan marsh was there

**Pete:** no way

**Michael:** yes way

**Pete:** fucking traitor

**Pete:** i thought he was one of us

**Michael:** i know

**Michael:** we let him into our clique, gave him a goth name and everything and he just threw it back in our face

**Pete:** it was that butters kids fault

**Michael:** i know

**Michael:** like, you cant even trust people nowadays

**Pete:** omg i know

**Pete:** he turned out to be a fucking jock asshole

**Michael:** omg yeah

**Michael:** fuck him and fuck his dumb jewish buddy

**Pete:** also, did you see what fucking bebe was wearing yesterday

**Michael:** omg yes. slutty cheerleader bitch

**Pete:** exactly. me and firkle were laughing our heads off. well, we wouldve been if we werent hardcore goths

**Michael:** imagine if your head did fall off tho

**Pete:** omg

**Pete:** but anyway, i gotta go. my dads wanting me to go fishing with him. he says itll 'build our relationship' ugh

**Michael:** what the fuck. your dad is a total jerk

**Pete:** exactly. i dont even know what to do

**Michael:** you should report him. thats child abuse.

**Pete:** i totally should.

**Pete:** anyway, later

**Michael:** later

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, guys! This was one of my favourites; the Goth Kids are awesome haha**

**If you have an idea on who I should do next, be sure to let me know!**


	10. Kyle and Cartman

**Cartman:** kahl

**Kyle:** Ugh. What do you want, fatass?

**Kyle:** Also, it's 'Kyle'. I'm surprised that as well as not being able to pronounce my name, you also can't spell it either. Truly astounding how stupid you are.

**Cartman:** fuck off. also can i have some of ur joo gold

**Kyle:** *Jew

**Kyle:** Such a thing doesn't exist. And even if it did, I wouldn't give it to you, of all people.

**Cartman:** youd probablee give it too ur boyfrend lmao

**Kyle:** Fuck off, Cartman, really.

**Kyle:** If you were referring to Stan, he has a girlfriend. Also, I have a crush on someone else.

**Cartman:** ooooh who

**Cartman:** is it clyde

**Cartman:** cuz clydes pretty hot

**Cartman:** not that i know cuz im not a fag like u

**Kyle:** No, it isn't Clyde. I wouldn't tell you even if you offered me all the latkes in the world.

**Cartman:** wtf is a latkey

**Kyle:** It doesn't matter.

**Cartman:** is it some joo magic

**Kyle:** They're like pancakes. Jewish pancakes.

**Cartman:** did u curse them

**Kyle:** ...No.

**Cartman:** anything joowish tastes gross

**Kyle:** Are you spelling things incorrectly on purpose or are you just a dumbass? Because it's giving me a headache.

**Cartman:** what if i was

**Kyle:** I'm going with the second one.

**Cartman:** fuck you, kahl

**Kyle:** You wish.

**Cartman:** AY!

* * *

**A/N: Here's Kyle and Cartman for serendipityrain711!**


	11. Stan and Wendy

**Wendy:** Stan, are you doing ok?

**Stan:** ugh i have a hangover

**Wendy:** See, this is why you shouldn't drink.

**Stan:** i just feel like shit

**Wendy:** You tell me this every day. To you, everything's shit.

**Stan:** you're not shit

**Wendy:** ...Thanks, Stan.

**Stan:** i think i sent some weird texts last night

**Wendy:** Yeah, Kyle told me.

**Stan:** dammit. you and kyle are always conspiring against me

**Stan:** im gonna look through my message history

**Wendy:** You should probably do that.

**Stan:** oh

**Stan:** well then

**Wendy:** Yeah.

**Stan:** i apologise for the messages i sent

**Wendy:** It's fine. Anyway, do you want to go see a movie later?

**Stan:** yeah sure

**Stan:** what one?

**Wendy:** There's a lot of new ones. I was looking online and there's loads! Like, um, the first one here is A Million Ways To Die In The West. I haven't really heard much about that one.

**Stan:** is that by seth macfarlane

**Wendy:** Let me check.

**Wendy:** Yeah.

**Stan:** ok well we're not gonna see that one. how about the new x-men?

**Wendy:** I don't like superhero movies, Stan.

**Stan:** this is why i don't like going to the cinema with you.

**Wendy:** Stan.

**Stan:** sorry. can we see the new godzilla, it looks pretty kickass

**Wendy:** No thanks.

**Stan:** you're the one who wanted to go see a movie in the first place! geez

**Wendy:** How about a romantic movie?

**Stan:** the only new ones are the fault in our stars and one with adam sandler.

**Wendy:** Yeah, ok. Maybe we should just watch Netflix instead.

**Stan:** yeah that's probably for the best

* * *

**A/N: Stan and Wendy for RatherOddRanger!**


	12. Kevin and ?

**?:** Hey!

**Kevin:** Hello? Whose number is this?

**?:** Mine lol

**Kevin:** Don't be a smartass. What do you want?

**?:** To be your girlfriend!

**Kevin:** Ha ha, very funny. Really, who is this?

**?: **Why don't you guess?

**Kevin:** Cartman, you don't need to be an asshole. To go ahead and try and trick me like this is ridiculous. You're immature.

**?: **You think I'm... Cartman? No, I'm not him! Jesus, what do you take me for?

**Kevin:** Really. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me. I'm not falling for this again.

**?: **But I'm not Cartman! And what do you mean, 'fool me twice'?

**Kevin:** You know damn well what I mean, Cartman. You made me think you were Lola. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life. After that one time at Comic Con, of course.

**?:** Wait, what? I _am_ Lola! I was trying to ask you out!

**Kevin:** This is dumb. Just forget it. I still don't understand how you got my number again. Did Esther give it to you?

**?:** ...Maybe she did. But still, I'm really Lola!

**Kevin:** Fine. I'll go ask her right now, Cartman.

**?:** Fine!

**_5 Minutes Later_**

**Kevin:** ...Well.

**Lola: **I told you!

**Kevin:** I apologise.

**Kevin:** Um, I also accept your offer. To go out. If that's ok. Uh. With you.

**Lola:** Finally! I never thought asking out Kevin Stoley, of all people, would be so difficult. Paid off, though :)

**Kevin: **Yeah, I guess so :)

* * *

**A/N: Here's Kevin and Lola for RatherOddRanger!**


	13. Mr Mackey and Mr Garrison

**Mr. Mackey:** Mr. Garrison, I would like to talk to you about your teaching and the lesson plan you've set out for your students, m'kay?

**Mr. Garrison:** what wrong with my lesson plan?

**Mr. Mackey:** There isn't necessarily anything wrong with it, m'kay, it's just a few concerned parents have phoned the school.

**Mr. Garrison:** parents these days! whiny little bitches if you ask me

**Mr. Mackey:** We just don't think you should really be teaching the kids about 'why Miley Cyrus is a dirty slut', m'kay?

**Mr. Garrison:** they need to know what happened to the beloved teen disney hannah montana! she turned into a whore, that's what!

**Mr. Mackey:** They're 10, Mr. Garrison. It's not entirely, um, appropriate material, m'kay?

**Mr. Garrison:** why are you insulting my lessons? all you do is sit is an office all day and listen to kids whine about their shitty little problems

**Mr. Mackey**: Mr. Garrison, I'd prefer if you didn't mock my job, m'kay. Also, speaking of which, Tweek was in my office today.

**Mr. Garrison:** who the fuck is tweek?

**Mr. Mackey:** He's one of your students, m'kay. You've been teaching him for the last two years, Mr. Garrison.

**Mr. Garrison:** oh

**Mr. Garrison:** wait i know him! he's that meth head kid!

**Mr. Mackey**: See, Mr. Garrison, this is the type of behaviour that gets you in trouble with the school board, m'kay.

**Mr. Garrison:** what? its true! thats the only reason I go to his dads shittyass coffee shop! meth, meth, everywhere!

**Mr. Mackey:** Mr. Garrison, you're being very inappropriate, m'kay.

**Mr. Garrison:** ok fine. why was tweak the meth head in your office.

**Mr. Mackey:** Uh, he claims you called him, and I quote, 'a spazzy, cock-sucking, retarded faggot.' M'kay. Also, his name is Tweek. With two 'e's.

**Mr. Garrison:** he is though. and i dont give a damn about his name

**Mr. Mackey**: Mr. Garrison, I'm not sure if you're entirely aware, but you are also of the homosexual orientation, m'kay.

**Mr. Garrison:** fuck off! you dont know shit about me!

**Mr. Mackey:** ...Anyway, you did make one of your students cry. I feel it'll be better for the both of you if you apologise to him, m'kay?

**Mr. Garrison: **he can go suck a dick. and i didnt say shit about him, mr hat got mad because tweeks an irritating asshole who doesnt know his fucking 8 times tables. so tweek got pissy and blamed it on me instead

**Mr. Mackey:** You can't blame your own actions on a hand puppet, Mr. Garrison.

**Mr. Garrison:** ok you can fuck off, mackey! you can insult me all you want, but you cant drag mr hat into this!

**Mr. Mackey:** I think we all need to just calm down and talk this out, m'kay?

**Mr. Garrison**: WE DONT NEED TO FUCKING CALM DOWN OK?

**Mr. Mackey:** Mr. Garrison? It appears you have some anger issues, m'kay? Just calm down.

**Mr. Garrison:** FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR SHITTY FUCKING SCHOOL AND FUCK YOUR DUMBASS KIDS WHO DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT THE WORLD AND MILEY CYRUS

**Mr. Mackey:** ...We can discuss this tomorrow, m'kay.

* * *

A/N: Mr. Mackey and Mr. Garrison for SuperFlandreBros! This one was really fun to do!


	14. Clyde and Craig

**Clyde: **hey craigy poo

**Craig:** Hi.

**Clyde:** what u up 2?

**Craig:** Nothing.

**Clyde:** craigyyyyyy

**Craig: **What.

**Clyde:** can i borrow 3 bucks cuz token is being a scrooge

**Craig:** Have you even read A Christmas Carol.

**Clyde:** is that a book or sumthin

**Craig:** Yes. It's by Charles Dickens.

**Clyde:** oh

**Clyde:** i was talking about the duck

**Clyde:** u know the one who jumps in the pile of money all like "duck tales ah woo ooo!"

**Clyde:** wouldnt that hurt

**Clyde:** jumping in a pile of money, i mean

**Craig:** You never fail to amaze me, Clyde.

**Clyde:** but im your bff arent i? ;)

**Craig:** And I still can't believe it. How did I end up with someone like you, again.

**Clyde:** becuz of my swag

**Craig:** No.

**Craig:** Just no.

**Clyde:** i texted u cause i was mad bout sumthin but now i cant remember what

**Clyde:** oh wait

**Clyde:** WAIT

**Craig:** What did I do.

**Clyde:** U TOLD TOKEN ABOUT MY POWERPUFF GIRLS STUFF

**Craig:** Oh, yeah. I meant to tell you about that. Just kind of slipped my mind.

**Clyde**: U LIL BITCH I WILL CUT U

**Craig:** Do you really want to try. I am in the company of a wild Tweek. Do you really want me to set the lion on you.

**Clyde:** I WILL WAIT TILL TWEEK GOES HOME

**Clyde:** THEN I WILL STRIKE

**Clyde:** DO U WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR SECRET RED RACER SLASH FANFICTION CRAIG

**Craig:** Fuck.

**Clyde:** THE DONO-MAN WINS AGAIN ;)

* * *

**A/N: Craig and Clyde for ****xLawlietx! Kind of a continuation of No. 5, Clyde and Token haha **


	15. Clyde and Cartman

**Clyde:** heyyyy

**Cartman:** wat the fuck do u want

**Clyde:** can i talk to u about sumthin

**Cartman:** does it involv me gettin cash

**Clyde:** no

**Cartman:** well, clyde, u can go fuck urself then

**Clyde:** i just wanted to ask

**Cartman:** wat

**Clyde:** is it hard being the fattest kid?

**Cartman:** WAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY

**Clyde:** i didnt mean it in a bad way

**Cartman:** FOR UR MOTHERFUCKING INFORMATION, I AM BIG-BONED U IGNERANT ASSHOLE

**Clyde:** it must be hard, cuz i was the fattest kid for a while when u were gone and i just want to thank u

**Clyde:** thank u cartman, for being fat

**Clyde:** us big boned ppl should stick 2gether

**Cartman:** ILL FUCKING KILL U

**Cartman:** ILL KILL UR DOG

**Cartman:** ILL KILL UR DAD

**Cartman:** ILL KILL UR MOM

**Cartman:** WAIT

**Clyde:** youre being very negative, eric

**Cartman:** ILL GO 2 HELL AND BRING UR MOM BACK TOOO LYFE AND THEN KILL HER AGAIN

**Clyde:** wow, that was uncalled for

**Cartman:** AND U CANT CALL ME ERIC

**Clyde:** butters can tho

**Cartman:** THATS ONLY BECAUSE BUTTERS IS A DUMBASS WHO WONT LISTEN WEN I TELL HIM KNOT TO

**Cartman:** AND HE IS ARYAN, UNLIKE U

**Clyde:** what does that even mean

**Cartman:** BLONDE HAIR BLUE EYES, THE PERFECT RACE IN THE EYES OF HITLER U DUMB FUCK.

**Clyde:** im kind of done now. i dont know why i decided 2 talk to u. it wasnt a good idea

**Cartman:** SCREW U

**Clyde:** bye

**Clyde:** eric

**Cartman:** FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

* * *

**A/N: Clyde and Cartman for Sakazaki-Chan! **

**I hope their terrible text-speak (and Cartman's general awful spelling) doesn't give anyone a headache! haha**

**Also, this is the fifteenth South Park Texts! And four of them contain all Clyde in some way... **


	16. Henrietta and Firkle

**Henrietta:** How do you even have a phone. You're in, like, kindergarten.

**Firkle:** Don't you judge me, you conformist bitch.

**Henrietta:** Alright, calm down. Anyway, if one of us is conformist, it's you.

**Firkle:** I stabbed someone.

**Henrietta:** Ok, you win. That's pretty hardcore. Even if it was some weird kid running around in his underwear.

**Firkle:** He's called Mysterion. He's still alive, you know.

**Henrietta:** Really. I find that highly unlikely.

**Firkle:** No. I see him, at night. He jumps from rooftop to rooftop and beats up supposed 'bad guys' on the street.

**Henrietta:** I think you're going crazy, Firk.

**Firkle:** I'm telling the truth. Besides, it's more likely than you and Pete ever getting together.

**Henrietta:** Shut up. Plus, who'd fall for that dumb Ken and Barbie love, anyway? I'd rather die.

**Firkle:** That can be arranged.

**Henrietta:** You're pretty creepy for a kindergartener, you know that, Firkle.

**Firkle:** Thanks. I try.

**Henrietta:** And who told you about Pete and me.

**Firkle:** No one.

**Henrietta:** I'll stop doing your makeup if you don't tell me.

**Firkle:** Fine. It was Michael.

**Henrietta:** Typical. I'll have a word with him later.

**Firkle:** You do that.

* * *

**A/N: Henrietta and Firkle for BlackButlerFan14!**


	17. Karen and Kenny

**Kenny:** (Karen, are you doing ok?)

**Karen:** yeah! you don't need to keep worrying about me, kenny! also thank you for your old phone! x

**Kenny:** (It's alright. And that Nokia will last you a long while. Honestly, throw that thing at a wall and it won't break. Heck, you could take it to Hell and back and it'd still be OK! Trust me, I know.)

**Kenny: **(And Kyle gave me his old IPhone, so it's nothing, really. He apparently wants to get rid of all Apple products he owns. I dunno why.)

**Karen:** your friend kyles weird! x

**Kenny:** (You don't know the half of it, K. Just be glad you've never met Cartman.)

**Karen:** you talk about cartman a lot! who is he? ive seen him around loads but you never let me talk to him! x

**Kenny:** (There's a good reason as to why. It doesn't matter, anyway. And how's school just now? I hope the kids are treating you good!)

**Karen:** they are! im glad that youre friends with that craig guy, his sisters really nice! shes very quiet and flips people off a lot but shes still nice! x

**Kenny:** (Oh? That's good to hear! Kyle's brother Ike is a nice kid too. You should say hi to him sometime.)

**Karen:** i would, but hes scary! the top part of his head comes apart from the bottom! and one time, filmore and him were messing around on the playground, and filmore pushed him and the top part of ikes head flew clean off! x

**Kenny:** (He's Canadian, K. Just give him a chance, alright?)

**Karen:** but kyle isnt like that! x

**Kenny:** (It's a little complicated to explain, K.)

**Karen:** alright, fine! ill talk to him when we go back to school! x

**Kenny:** (Thank you.)

**Karen:** oh, and kenny? x

**Kenny:** (Yeah?)

**Karen:** do you think my guardian angel will be around tonight? x

**Kenny:** (Of course he will. In fact, he told me so himself.)

**Karen:** youve talked to him!? whoa! x

**Kenny:** (Me and him are friends, of sorts.)

**Karen: **thats so cool! x

**Kenny:** (I can tell he cares about you a lot. He also said to tell you that he'll always be around, you know. So, never be afraid, alright, K?)

**Karen:** alright kenny! x

**Kenny:** (Good. x)

* * *

**A/N: Kenny and Karen for the mysterious Guest! haha**


	18. Kyle and Craig

**Craig:** Hey, Broflovski.

**Kyle:** What do you want?

**Craig:** Can I copy your homework in Spanish today.

**Kyle:** No! You made me let you copy it last week! You've really got to start doing your homework, Craig.

**Craig:** Don't make me beg.

**Kyle:** Why don't you just copy your 'boyfriends' homework?

**Craig:** What. Tweek's not my boyfriend. And anyway, he was off all week, remember. He didn't even get the homework.

**Kyle:** I like how you instantly think of Tweek without me even saying his name.

**Craig:** Shit.

**Kyle:** So, did you just come to try and scrounge off my homework or do you want something else from me?

**Craig:** Just homework.

**Kyle:** Oh, OK. Well, I'm ending this conversation now. Bye, Craig.

**Craig:** Wait.

**Kyle:** What?

**Craig:** Mighty High Elf, I worship thou. Please may this lowly thief exchange Spanish notes. He is too idiotic to do said Spanish himself.

**Kyle:** Jesus Christ, fine. You were being serious when you said you'd beg, weren't you?

**Craig:** Detentions are fine. But teach said if I get another one, I'll get suspended.

**Kyle:** You do realize I was messing around when I said you weren't getting the homework, right, dude?

**Craig:** Oh.

**Craig:** I'll see you in Spanish then.

**Craig:** Bye.

**Kyle:** LMAO

* * *

**A/N: Craig and Kyle for kumiko. nonomia!**


	19. Clyde and The Girls

_**The Dono-man started a new group text with Bebe Stevens, Wendy Testaburger and 2 others...**_

**Clyde: **hey ladies~ ;)

**Clyde:** the dono-man has the d for you

**Wendy:** I have a boyfriend, you pervert.

**Clyde:** hey it aint gay if its a 3-way! get stan over here!

**Bebe:** Are you seriously doing this right now? :/

**Nichole:** I'm taken too!

**Lola:** And me!

**Clyde:** well it looks like its just me and bebe now ;)

**Wendy:** Can you stop with the winky faces, please?

**Nichole:** Yeah! They're lame as Hell!

**Lola:** You should just leave Bebe and the rest of us alone, Clyde!

**Bebe:** Thanks, girls. And, yeah, Clyde, you can fuck off. Unless you want one of your dumbass father's shoes in your eye.

**Wendy: **You go, Bebe!

**Nichole:** I'll even join you! We should all get out the murderous stilettos!

**Lola:** Hell yeah!

**Bebe:** ...Clyde?

**Bebe:** Is he gone?

**Wendy:** I would've thought he'd be angrily replying by now, trying to save his crushed pride. LOL

**Nichole:** Maybe he's given up! XD

**Clyde:** Hi. This is Craig. Clyde can't be here at the moment because he is in the corner sobbing and eating chocolate. I salute you guys.

**Bebe:** OMG Serves him right! LOL

**Wendy:** Thanks, Craig. :)

**Nichole:** Finally! That guy needed to be put in his place!

**Lola:** Yeah! Thank God!

_**Group chat ended. **_

* * *

**A/N: Clyde and the girls for RatherOddRanger! I should just rename this whole thing 'Clyde Texts' lmao**


	20. Gregory and Christophe

**Gregory:** Christophe, be a dear and fill up that hole you've dug in my garden, will you? -G

**Christophe:** fuck of u pompous brit! go drink your fucking tea u tapette. and call me the mole for fucks sake's

**Gregory:** You don't need to be so brash about it. And it's *off by the way. -G

**Christophe:** why the fuck are u correcting my english? do u think i do not no? are u critizing me? i can talk in french if u want u enfoiré

**Gregory:** Will you please stop insulting me in French, Chris. Also, *know and *criticizing. -G

**Gregory:** Or rather, The Mole. -G

**Christophe:** fuck u. and u hav fucking ruined it now. whatever government fuck is looking for us now knows where we are.

**Gregory:** I highly doubt the American Government is looking for us, Chris. You're being paranoid again. *Have. -G

**Christophe:** u can fuck off u british bitch

**Gregory:** Britain is a proud nation! Why, we once owned over 90% of the world! -G

**Christophe:** and u wont shut the fuck up about it. u do no that half of the wordl hates your guts, right

**Gregory:** Well, more people hate France! -G

**Gregory:** *Know and *world. -G

**Christophe:** fuck u

**Christophe:** at least we are not tiny countries on a pathetic tinyier island. we are a real country.

**Gregory:** Excuse me? -G

**Gregory:** *tinier -G

**Christophe:** also ur flag is shit

**Gregory:** Well... You can go screw yourself, you frog-eating rogue! All you do is go around with your disgusting shovel and dig holes like your common filthy mutt! -G

**Christophe:** are u comparing me to a fuckin dog.

**Gregory:** Oh... Chris, I'm sorry. In a moment of rage, I forgot about the incident with the guard dogs... -G

**Christophe:** fuck u. u crooked teeth, big nosed asshole. go back to england so u can ride ponies and get buttfucked by your buddies at yale again

**Gregory:** I'll text you later, when you are feeling a little less grouchy. -G

**Christophe: **go fuck a crumpet

* * *

**A/N: Gregory and Christophe for RockQueen98!**


	21. Clyde and Kenny

**Clyde:** hey kennn

**Kenny:** (Who gave you my number.)

**Clyde:** ok so u know the new girl marjorine

**Kenny:** (Are you being serious? Clyde, we all know who Marjorine really is.)

**Clyde:** pretty hot, thats what marjorine is ;)

**Kenny:** (Can you not. Please, Clyde, will you just leave her alone. Please.)

**Clyde:** no can do, ken! the dono-man is on the prowl for a new lady ;)

**Kenny:** (Clyde. No.)

**Clyde:** i mean, she dresses and talks weird but shes super sweet! and funny! and nice! ...and hot ;)

**Kenny:** (Wow. I almost thought you were being sincere for a minute. And then you prove that once again you're only out for looks. And even _I_ would say Marjorine isn't the most... 'Attractive' girl out there. And this is Kenny fuckin' McCormick you're talking to.)

**Clyde:** no! she is!

**Kenny:** (Does this have anything to do with you getting turned down by half the girls in class and now having the entirety of the girls hate your guts, per chance?)

**Clyde:** ...maybe

**Kenny:** (I can't fuckin' believe you, Clyde.)

**Kenny:** (In fact, I can't believe it's not _Butters_.)

**Kenny:** (Ha! I crack myself up. I might die from fuckin' laughter. That'd be a first.)

**Clyde:** whats that supposed to mean

**Kenny:** (...It doesn't matter. You should probably go talk to Butters about your new-found crush, though.)

**Clyde:** why butters? that guys a dork

**Kenny:** (No, trust me on this one. Talk to Butters.)

**Clyde:** alright fine

**Kenny:** (I can't wait.)

* * *

**A/N: Clyde and Kenny talking about Marjorine for the ultra-mysterious ****_other_**** Guest! Or maybe you're the same guest! Who knows? You're too mysterious! Lol**

**Whoa, Clyde is pretty popular; he's stealing all the limelight from everyone else! There will probably be a continuation of Clyde's quest for women later on haha**


	22. Kenny and Tammy

**Tammy:** hey ken babe

**Kenny:** (What?)

**Tammy:** do u want to hang out later?

**Kenny:** (Maybe not.)

**Tammy:** why? :(

**Kenny:** (You gave me fuckin' syphilis.)

**Kenny:** (And I died.)

**Tammy:** no i didnt! i still have my purity ring!

**Kenny:** (Oh, yeah. I forgot that you forget when I die.)

**Tammy:** what are u even talking about ken?

**Kenny:** (Nothing. I'm just a bit tired.)

**Tammy:** are u feeling sick? do u want me to come over?

**Kenny:** (...You're a really nice girl, you know that, Tammy? You can do better than some poor white-trash kid like me.)

**Tammy:** why do u keep beating yourself up over everything?

**Tammy:** youre a nice guy ken

**Kenny:** (Maybe you should just come over. Even if you just wanna watch some TV.)

**Tammy:** sure. i'll be over in a minute. i just gotta catch the last of the jonas brothers on the tv :)

**Kenny: **(Nice.)

* * *

**A/N: Kenny and Tammy for the super-duper mysterious Guest! Also, I apologize for this one being really short; I couldn't think of how to continue it haha**

**And, this story has passed over 50 reviews! I just wanna say thank you- you guys are all really nice!**


	23. Craig and Token

**Craig:** Token.

**Token:** what?

**Craig:** OK. So you know how Clyde wanted cash.

**Token:** yeah?

**Craig:** I kind of gave it to him.

**Craig:** So, can I borrow $3.

**Token:** no.

**Token:** are you guys literally only friends with me just so you can get money when you feel like it?

**Craig:** Yes.

**Token:** thanks.

**Craig:** I thought you knew that already.

**Token:** i kind of thought we were friends because you guys generally liked me.

**Craig:** You're cool, I guess. But it's mostly money related.

**Token:** wow. youre an asshole, you know that craig?

**Craig:** Yes. I do.

**Token:** you are the biggest asshole in this whole town.

**Craig:** No. Stan and his merry gang of buttlickers hold that title. I come in at a close second.

**Craig:** Also, why did you tell Clyde that I told you about his Powerpuff Girls obsession.

**Token:** i didnt. i hinted at it. clyde figured it out for himself.

**Craig:** I highly doubt Clyde has ever figured something out for himself.

**Token:** true, true. but clyde doesnt take drugs though, unlike 'someone' we both know.

**Craig:** That's unproven. Tweek is perfectly fine.

**Token:** ive never seen 'coffee' work so strong on someone before.

**Craig:** He's just jittery. Why do you insist on being a dick to our friends.

**Token:** at least i dont keep someone around just for their money. and you dissed clyde first, not me.

**Craig: **I think you're an OK guy.

**Token:** whoa, thank you for your amazing compliments, king tucker.

**Craig:** You're welcome.

**Token:** i was being sarcastic.

**Craig:** Oh.

**Craig:** Can I still have the $3, though.

**Token:** i swear to god.

* * *

**A/N: Craig and Token for GothWolf2000!**


	24. Clyde and Butters

**Clyde:** hey butters

**Butters:** howdy clyde! what's a fella like you texting a fella like me for? :)

**Clyde:** uh kenny said u knew about sumthin

**Butters:** well, clyde! i know a whole lot of things! like how to bake a perfect apple pie and tie my shoelaces in under 30 seconds! :)

**Clyde:** jesus christ

**Clyde:** anyway kenny said u know about this girl i like

**Butters:** i do? :0

**Clyde:** yeah

**Clyde: **and he told me 2 ask u

**Butters:** oh! well i don't know a whole bunch about girls, clyde! why, i've never even had a proper girlfriend before! :/

**Butters:** apart from my brief relationship with mercedes! ah, she was sure a nice broad, wasn't she, clyde? :D

**Clyde:** um

**Clyde:** kenny said u knew

**Clyde:** otherwise i wouldnt be talking to u

**Clyde:** cuz youre a total dork butters

**Butters:** aw shucks! :(

**Clyde:** but its the new girl i have a crush on

**Butters:** there's a new girl? :O

**Clyde:** yea

**Clyde:** oh wait i forgot

**Clyde:** every time youve been off, she comes 2 class

**Butters:** really? i haven't seen no new girl in class, clyde!

**Clyde:** shes called marjorine. shes really hot

**Butters:** ...oh.

**Butters:** well clyde, i appreciate your compliment but i'm afraid i ain't queer! not that there is anything wrong with you being one. :)

**Clyde:** wat

**Butters:** there is no way i can be gay if kim kardashian is around! :D

**Clyde:** i dont understand?

**Butters:** if you ever need to talk about somethin', i'm here for ya clyde!

**Clyde:** wtf

**Butters:** hang in there lil buddy! :)

**Clyde:** wait who the fuck is marjorine? am i missing something here

**Butters:** why, marjorine is me, clyde! everyone knows that! :)

**Clyde:** ...fuck.

* * *

**A/N: Clyde and Butters for serendipityrain711! Kenny is probably off laughing somewhere lol**

**Clyde is love. Clyde is life. Clyde is taking over this whole damn story lmao**


	25. Cartman and Kenny

**Kenny:** (I just pulled the best prank.)

**Cartman:** wat did u do now u poor peice of shit

**Kenny:** (Clyde confessed his 'crush' on 'Marjorine'.)

**Cartman:** aw shit wel done

**Cartman:** more fags

**Kenny:** (I obviously didn't tell him who Marjorine really is. I sent him Butters way and told him to ask HIM about his crush. Probably pretty awkward around there right now. haha)

**Cartman:** kinneh i hav taught u well

**Cartman:** and i dont want those 2 together

**Kenny:** (Oh, yeah. You harbour a huge boner for Clyde, right? Or Butters. Probably both.)

**Cartman:** wha the fuck kinneh

**Cartman:** im not a faggott

**Kenny:** (Are you sure about that?)

**Cartman:** of corse i am fucking sure

**Cartman:** im not gay

**Kenny:** (Of course you're not. Sometimes I forget about your crush on Patty Nelson. Or you and Wendy's unrequited love.)

**Cartman:** NOW U SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT

**Cartman:** THAT WAS 1 TIME U FUKCER

**Kenny:** (Alright, Cartman. Whatever you say.)

**Kenny:** (I'll talk to you later when I need to let off more steam, alright? You're good to be a dick to.)

**Cartman:** FUCK OF

* * *

**A/N: Cartman and Kenny for I-am-from-South-Park!**


	26. Tweek and The Girls

_**Tweek Tweak started a new group text with Bebe Stevens, Wendy Testaburger and 2 Others...**_

**Tweek: **uM I would like to Talk 2 u guys about something

**Bebe:** Hey, Tweek! :)

**Nichole:** Hi!

**Lola:** What's up?

**Wendy:** Hey, Tweek.

**Tweek:** hey guys!

**Tweek:** um sO clyde WANTEED me 2 ask U about somethihn

**Bebe:** What? :O

**Tweek:** he says he is SoRRY and wants u 2 forgive him

**Wendy:** It's sweet of you to try and help your friend, Tweek, but he really should tell us himself! Especially Bebe.

**Bebe:** Yeah! That guy has been rude to me ever since I first met him!

**Tweek:** guys he was CrYing just accept the dumbd apology and he probs won;t bother u aGain

**Lola:** Maybe we should.

**Nichole:** Yeah! I heard that he's after Butters now, anyway!

**Tweek:** wHAT

**Lola:** Oh, yeah! I heard about that to! :0

**Bebe:** OMG! Me as well!

**Wendy:** I was certain that was just a rumour!

**Tweek:** wHY DOES NO ONE EVER TELL ME THESE THIGNS?

**Lola:** You don't know already?

**Nichole:** Ouch. Sorry, Tweek. :/

**Wendy:** Is it true, Tweek?

**Bebe:** Yeah!

**Tweek:** ThIS IS ALL WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE ASGSMJFGIK

**Lola:** ...Are you smashing your face on your keypad?

_**Group Chat ended.**_

* * *

**A/N: Tweek and the girls for super-duper ultra mega mysterious Guest!**


	27. Clyde and Token 2

**Clyde:** did u get your lame sweaters

**Token:** yes, as a matter of fact, i did.

**Clyde:** coolio

**Clyde:** what shitty woollen junk did u get this time

**Token:** just a few more purple ones.

**Clyde:** purple is a gross colour

**Token:** purple represents royalty.

**Clyde:** are u saying youre royalty then? all hail king token, ruler of our redneck mountain town

**Token:** i was just pointing it out. im only saying i like it.

**Clyde:** if u are oh so knowledgeable on colours, what does red mean, your highness?

**Token:** i'll tell you if you stop being a dick.

**Clyde:** fine im sorry

**Token:** alright.

**Token:** in china, red symbolizes luck.

**Clyde:** i _am_ a lucky guy ;)

**Token:** generally, it can also mean courage, love or sexual impulse/passion.

**Clyde:** nice B)

**Token:** oh and it can also mean fire, death, danger and shame.

**Clyde:** oH.

**Token:** yeah, enjoy that, clyde.

**Clyde:** well what does blue mean then

**Clyde:** and its DARK blue just to clarify

**Token:** are you seriously asking me what the colours of your clothes symbolize.

**Clyde:** yea

**Token:** fine.

**Token:** tbh it's a lot more like craig than you.

**Clyde:** well craig DOES wear all blue after all.

**Token:** it means intelligence, which craig has a lack of, but whatever. it can also mean coldness, lack of emotion and unfriendliness.

**Clyde:** thats craig in a nutshell right there

**Clyde:** where are u getting this from anyway

**Token:** uh, answers . com.

**Clyde:** goddammit token

* * *

**A/N: Clyde and Token 2 for Katie-Kat1129! I probably won't repeat any of the two same characters after this one! **

**I also had a dandy time researching colours by the way! haha**


	28. Pip and Damien

**Pip:** 'Ello chap!

**Damien:** Ugh. It's you. Remind me why you aren't playing the dumbass harp up in Heaven with the Mormons, again?

**Pip:** Oh, Damien! Your jokes are rather amusing!

**Damien:** I wasn't joking.

**Pip:** ...Um, so how are you, my good fellow?

**Damien:** I require your assistance again, Pip.

**Pip:** Oh? Well, I'm always ready to lend a helping hand, Damien!

**Damien:** I am no longer content in being of low status in Hell. Even goddamn_ Kevin_ is more respected than me!

**Pip:** Remind me who Kevin is again? He seems to have slipped my mind!

**Damien:** Exactly. Kevin, who is nothing more than Dad's creepy right-hand man who is so useless even _you_ have forgotten him, is more respected than _me_, the son of the Prince of Darkness!

**Pip:** If it's any consolation, you're the most respectable demon I know, Damien!

**Damien: **That's just made it worse. Anyway, I have a plan.

**Pip:** Alrighty! What is it, then?

**Damien:** We're going to overthrow my Dad.

**Pip:** Oh, but your father is such a nice chap! He's made Hell very welcoming for me and is always there to talk about my problems with and give handy advice!

**Damien:** Pip, we are going to kill him.

**Pip:** Oh, dear. Can I persuade you with a nice cup of tea and a marathon of Charlie's Angels instead?

**Damien:** No. We are going to murder him and that's that.

**Damien:** And plus, you don't need to do any actual killing- I'll do all that. You just need to be bait.

**Pip:** Bait?

**Damien:** Yes, bait. I'm planning on using you as a distraction, and then stabbing him in the back and draining his powers while everyone is occupied.

**Pip:** We can even watch The Omen if you really want, though I do hate scary movies!

**Damien:** The Omen _is_ a rather amusing mortal film...

**Pip:** I've bought in your favourite biscuits, Damien!

**Damien:** Alright. But we'll kill him tomorrow, alright? No arguments!

**Pip:** Yes, certainly! Though, you _did_ say this yesterday... And the day before that...

**Damien:** Shut up, Pip.

**Pip:** Gladly, Damien!

* * *

**A/N: Pip and Damien for RockQueen98! **


	29. Craig and Ruby

**Craig:** Ruby. Dinner's ready.

**Ruby:** are you really texting me. i'm in the next room, craig.

**Craig:** Yes.

**Ruby:** you could literally call me through the wall.

**Craig:** I know.

**Ruby:** do you have free texts or something.

**Craig:** Yes. If I didn't I wouldn't waste my money on you.

**Ruby:** thanks. and the brother of the year award goes to...

**Craig:** Don't be sarcastic.

**Ruby:** don't be a prick.

**Craig:** I would be flipping you off right now if I could.

**Ruby:** i am like 7ft away. you probably could.

**Craig:** Wait.

**Ruby:** what.

**Ruby:** why are you in my room.

**Craig:** I'm flipping you off.

**Ruby:** you're in my room, flipping me off with one hand, and texting me with the other. i'm standing right in front of you, craig.

**Craig:** You really have to go get dinner, though. Mom will get pissed otherwise.

**Ruby:** only if you get the fuck out of my room.

**Craig:** You're too young to be using that language, Ruby.

**Ruby:** yeah but you do.

**Craig:** That's because I'm older.

**Ruby:** and more stupid.

**Craig:** Shut up. I'll flip you off again.

**Craig:** Look. I did it.

**Ruby:** i'm going to go downstairs for dinner. you can stand in my room with your stupid phone and flip off the wall for all i care. this is dumb.

**Craig:**_ You're_ dumb.

**Ruby:** whatever, craig.

* * *

**A/N: Craig and Ruby for Kizi1999!**


	30. Cartman and Wendy

**Cartman:** wendy gurl

**Wendy:** What do you want?

**Cartman:** do u wana go out some time

**Cartman:** ur stuck with pussy tree huggin stan

**Cartman:** im a real man

**Wendy:** No. Never in a million years.

**Cartman:** so r we goin out tommorow or wat

**Wendy:** No. That kiss? That was a one time thing forever ago. It's rather pathetic you're still clinging on to it.

**Cartman:** bby plz

**Cartman:** u are with a boi who is stil sick on u everytyme he sees u

**Cartman:** he is butt buddies with dirty joo kyel so hell leave u anyways

**Wendy:** I doubt that.

**Cartman:** wendyyyyyy

**Cartman:** all i want fo christmas is uuuuuu

**Wendy:** It's July.

**Cartman:** bae

**Cartman:** listen 2 me

**Wendy:** Fine. What is it?

**Cartman:** i luv u

**Cartman:** and ur beree

**Cartman:** even tho i hate the french

**Cartman:** and ur tits

**Wendy:** See? This is why I refuse to go out with you. You're a bigoted, racist, not to mention anti-Semitic, sexist asshole.

**Cartman:** wha

**Cartman:** im a nice guy

**Cartman:** y do nice guys always get shit

**Wendy:** I can already smell your fedora.

**Cartman:** wat the fuck is a fedora

**Wendy:** Never mind.

**Wendy:** If you have nothing to add to this thrilling conversation, I'm going to stop texting now.

**Cartman:** bby?

**Cartman:** fuck u hoe

* * *

**A/N: Cartman and Wendy for Jon The New Kid In Town!**

**Whoa, this is the 30th South Park Texts? Holy shit. **


	31. Ruby and Karen

**Ruby:** i seriously hate my brother.

**Karen:** what did he do?

**Ruby:** nothing important. he's just being an idiot again.

**Karen:** sorry to hear that, ruby!

**Ruby:** its fine. anyway, just had dinner.

**Karen:** what did you have?

**Ruby:** steak. it was pretty nice, i suppose. what did you have.

**Karen:** we had poptarts again!

**Ruby:** sorry.

**Karen:** why are you apologising?

**Ruby:** do you want me to bring leftovers round.

**Karen:** oh, no! its fine! we're doing ok!

**Ruby:** really.

**Karen:** yeah!

**Ruby:** it's honestly fine. craig is visiting your brother later anyway.

**Karen:** if you insist! also, kenny told me today that _he_ knows my guardian angel!

**Ruby:** your brothers super cool. i wish craig was more like kenny sometimes.

**Karen:** but craig is nice!

**Ruby:** did you seriously just type that with a straight face. craig's an asshole.

**Karen:** he tries! he just doesn't know how to show it very well!

**Ruby:** whatever you say, karen. anyway, i better go do my chores. see you later.

**Karen:** bye!

* * *

**A/N: Ruby and Karen for the Guest!**

**Also, I'm going to be on holiday until Sunday 13th of July, so I'll be barely, if not at all, online! So, there will probably be no updates for a short while, unless I find some WiFi haha**


	32. Kenny and Kyle

**Kyle:** Just thought I'd let you know that Clyde is out for you, dude. He pretty much wants to kill you.

**Kenny:** (Eh. Wouldn't be the first time someone's done that. I must just have one of those faces.)

**Kyle:** I'm being serious. He's totally pissed. I mean, Clyde isn't much of a threat, but I just thought I'd tell you anyway.

**Kenny:** (Crybaby Clyde is coming for me. I better fuckin' run.)

**Kyle: **Ha! Clyde isn't the worst crybaby though- Cartman is.

**Kenny:** (Yeah, but Cartman has a mind as twisted as the Devil himself. Probably more so. Satan's actually a pretty nice guy.)

**Kyle:** Oh, and like _you'd_ know.

**Kenny:** (I do, actually.)

**Kyle:** Um... OK?

**Kenny:** (Anyway, Cartman won't shut his fat mouth about your 'super-secret' crush. Is it true you have one, or is he just bullshitting again?)

**Kyle: **Maybe...

**Kenny:** (Is it Stan.)

**Kyle:** What.

**Kenny:** (It's Stan, isn't it.)

**Kyle:** Why the fuck does everyone always think it's Stan? It could be anyone!

**Kenny:** (Yup. It's Stan.)

**Kyle:** Fuck off. Fuck you, Kenny. Seriously.

**Kenny:** (I can tell you're secretly having a hissy-fit behind your phone. It's hilarious.)

**Kenny:** (Ain't nothing wrong with having a crush on your 'Super Best Friend', Kyle.)

**Kyle:** I'm done with this conversation.

**Kenny:** (LOL.)

* * *

**A/N: Kenny and Kyle for Someone new, the guest! **

**The hotel I'm in tonight has WiFi- praise the Lord. **


	33. Big Gay Al and Mr Slave

**Mr. Slave:** hey, honey! how are you?

**Al:** Super, thanks for asking! How're you?

**Mr. Slave:** i'm doing pretty fab!

**Al:** Slave, sweetheart, did you hear? More of them Harley drivers are coming into town!

**Mr. Slave:** oh, jesus christ! those fags!

**Al:** I know! I hate faggots!

**Mr. Slave:** they should burn in hell!

**Al:** Exactly!

**Al:** Anyway, I have to go get groceries later, do you need anything?

**Mr. Slave:** a cactus?

**Al:** Slave, honey. Are you going to use that cactus the way I think you are?

**Mr. Slave:** maybe...

**Al:** The poor plant! Unless you want one to actually put in our house, the answer is no!

**Mr. Slave:** oh, jesus christ! would it matter?

**Al:** Yes!

**Mr. Slave:** fine. sorry.

**Al:** And so you should be! What did that cactus ever do to you?

**Mr. Slave:** nothing, sweetheart.

**Al:** You're being a silly goose, Slave! But, really, do you actually want anything in the store?

**Mr. Slave:** can we get more cereal?

**Al:** Sure! Which kind, sweetie?

**Mr. Slave:** how about some trix?

**Al:** Alright! I'll get some Fruity Pebbles too!

**Mr. Slave:** thanks! i'll talk to you later when you get back from work, then!

**Al:** Toodle-oo!

* * *

**A/N: Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave for RockQueen98!**


	34. Kenny and Death

**Kenny:** (We meet again, huh?)

**Death:** Kenneth.

**Kenny:** (Ooo, getting all formal, are we? If you really wanted to get all 'Kenneth' with me, you would've appeared in a black mist and touched me with your skeletal hand, mumbling some weird shit in a deep voice.)

**Kenny:** (Instead of, you know, a _text message_.)

**Kenny:** (Because everyone is oh so sick of fuckin' 'Kenneth', that I don't even get a proper Passover to my one day vacation in the afterlife. Fuck, in Hell people don't even goddamn notice I'm there. But at least it's better then hanging out with some fuckin' Mormons, right?)

**Death:** Kenneth...

**Kenny:** (No, no, shut the fuck up for a minute. Do you think I'm even scared of you anymore? Do you think I'm scared of Death?)

**Kenny:** (Because no, I'm not. So you can fuck off, you scrawny cloaked bastard.)

**Death:** You're only making things worse for yourself, Kenneth.

**Kenny:** (You know what? This time when I died? When I fell from that building, and went hurtling to the ground, blood and guts everywhere? You remember that?)

**Kenny:** (It was on purpose.)

* * *

**A/N: Kenny and Death for KennyDiedAgain!**


	35. Marjorine and The Girls

**_Marjorine started a new group chat with Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens and 2 others..._**

**Marjorine: **hiya girls! :D

**Lola: **Uh, hi, Marjorine...

**Wendy:** Hey. Butters, you don't need to keep pretending you're a girl for some scam of Cartman's.

**Marjorine:** no, no! i'm a girl, silly! what gave you the idea i was some no good fella? :O

**Wendy:** So, you're doing this on your own free will?

**Marjorine:** doin' what? i'm a girl, gosh darn it! you ladies need to learn how to be nice to your fellow female! :(

**Wendy:** Ah, I understand now. I apologise Marjorine.

**Marjorine:** thank you, wendy! :)

**Bebe:** YOU'RE FLAT AND UGLY.

**Marjorine:** wHY :'(

**Wendy:** Goddammit, Bebe.

**Lola:** Bebe, just chill out, please.

**Bebe:** What? I thought we were still pretending to be the stereotypical unaccepting girls. You know, the ones who don't let the new girl into our circle of friends? Is that not happening now?

**Wendy:** No, it's not.

**Bebe:** Oh. Sorry, Marjorine!

**Marjorine:** you hurt my feelins'! :(

**Nichole:** Um... What's going on? Is this Butters?

**Wendy:** It doesn't matter, Nichole. This happened before you moved here.

**Nichole:** Oh.

**Marjorine:** if you're all gonna be meanies and try and accuse me of bein' a boy and flat, you can all go to heck! :(

_**Group chat ended.**_

* * *

**A/N: Marjorine and the girls for the Guest!**


	36. Kenny and Craig

**Kenny:** (Ayyy, Craig, my main man!)

**Craig:** Hi.

**Kenny:** (You could sound a little more enthusiastic.)

**Craig:** HIIIIIIIII!111! XD OMFG

**Craig:** Is that good enough for you.

**Kenny:** (Don't be a dickhead.)

**Craig:** (Why do you sound so happy, anyway. What do you want from me.)

**Kenny:** (I might as well cut straight to the chase. Have any smokes I can borrow?)

**Craig:** No. I don't even smoke. What even gave you the impression I do.

**Kenny:** (Eh, you seem like that kind of guy?)

**Craig:** Did you know that cigarettes contain over 7,000 chemicals, 69 of which that could cause cancer.

**Kenny:** (69. LMAO.)

**Craig:** I'm aware that's the sign for oral sex. You're being immature.

**Kenny:** (69-ing all night long, baby.)

**Craig:** About 8.6 million people in the U.S. have at least one serious illness caused by smoking.

**Kenny:** (Are you just going to fire depressing facts about the dangers of cigarettes that I don't give a fuck about at me until I stop bugging you?)

**Craig:** Yes.

**Kenny:** (Well then.)

**Kenny:** (You're kind of a killjoy, Craig.)

**Craig:** I know.

**Kenny:** (I'll just go ask one of the Goth Kids instead. Even they are more fun than you.)

**Craig:** Thanks.

**Kenny:** (You're very welcome.)

* * *

**A/N: Kenny and Craig for Tori the Guest! **

**Also, I was visiting Kilkenny the other day. Turns out 'kil' translates as 'church' in Gaelic. The Church of Kenny. Where can I sign up? lol**


	37. Craig and Stan

**Craig:** Will you tell your friend to leave me alone.

**Stan:** ...which one

**Stan:** because if its cartman, im sorry i cant help you or offer any refunds for the things he may have destroyed

**Craig:** The orange one.

**Stan:** soooo, kenny or kyle?

**Craig:** McCormick.

**Stan:** why dont you just use his first name

**Stan:** or are you trying to be hard or something

**Craig:** Because I hate you, and I hate your friends.

**Stan:** wow

**Stan:** do you have a stick up your ass, craig?

**Craig:** Fuck off.

**Stan:** no no im being serious. i know a good butt doctor who could sort that out for you. hey, he even helped cartman out!

**Craig:** You can take your pathetic attempt at humour and shove it up your ass.

**Stan: **you ask me for help and then insult me

**Stan:** loving your people skills craig

**Craig:** I'm just irritated.

**Stan:** im surprised youre showing any emotion other than your usual passive aggressiveness

**Craig:** Sorry.

**Craig: **Kenny just keeps following me around and asking for cigs. I don't even smoke. Why would I. I'm not prepared to take a risk like that.

**Stan:** oh yeah, you stick to the 'nice and boring' and whatever. but ill tell you what you gotta do

**Craig:** Thank you.

**Stan:** so if you wanna get rid of kenny, you usually gotta bribe him. give him some dirty magazines and hell probably disappear for a couple of days. or some junk food. alls good.

**Craig:** Where do I get some porn magazines.

**Stan:** i assumed you already own some

**Craig:** What.

**Stan:** nothing. ask clyde. hell probably have some.

**Craig:** Fine. Only if it'll get rid of him.

**Stan:** it will. trust me.

**Craig:** I'd really rather not.

**Stan:** youre welcome

* * *

**A/N: Craig and Stan for xLawlietx!**

**Also, I totally forgot to mention, but this story has over 100 reviews now! That's insane! Thank you to everyone, I really appreciate it! **


	38. Kyle and The Girls

**_Kyle Broflovski started a new group text with Bebe Stevens, Wendy Testaburger and 2 others..._**

**Kyle: **Uh, hi guys.

**Wendy:** Hello, Kyle!

**Nichole:** Hi!

**Lola:** Hey!

**Bebe:** Hey, Kyle. ;)

**Nichole:** Bebe, just stop. We all know Kyle's gay, anyway!

**Kyle:** What.

**Nichole:** Are you not? :S

**Bebe:** Aw, but I wanted him! :(

**Wendy:** Oh, I almost forgot. On a side note, stay the fuck away from my man, Kyle. Don't think I didn't hear the rumours about you two.

**Lola:** Oh, yeah! I heard about that to! Kyle, it would be really horrible to just snatch Stan away from Wendy like that. Don't do it. Please. You're a nice guy! Don't ruin their relationship just because you have a silly crush on him!

**Kyle:** WHAT.

**Nichole:** But I thought...

**Bebe:** It makes sense, really. I told you, Wendy! No other boy has been able to resist my advances apart from Kyle! It's blatantly obvious.

**Lola:** It just makes sense. You should see them in music class! They never take their eyes off each other the whole time.

**Wendy:** Kyle, please. I beg of you. I love Stan.

**Kyle:** WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

**Nichole:** The rumour? That you have a crush on Stan?

**Kyle:** For the last fucking time, I do not, I repeat, do _not_, have a crush on Stan. He's my Super Best Friend! It'd be weird.

**Wendy:** Oh. I overreacted. I'm sorry, Kyle.

**Nichole:** Well, then...

**Bebe:** And Bebe Stevens is back in the game, bitches! :)

**Lola:** I still think you're lying.

**Kyle:** I can't even remember why I started this group text. I was going to ask you guys something, but it doesn't matter. Now I'm just a little pissed off.

**Wendy:** Oops...

_**Group text ended.**_

* * *

**A/N: Kyle and the girls for HatsuneMikufan324!**

**Also, I'm back from my holiday and in good ol' Scotland again, so now updates won't be so slow!**


	39. Damien and Cartman

**Damien:** I do wish I didn't have to contact such a lowly excuse for a being as you, but it appears I have no other choice.

**Cartman:** hey fart boy

**Damien:** Please. I don't appreciate your infantile nicknames. Besides, I'm too mature to be swayed by your idiotic excuse for insults.

**Cartman:** fart boy plz calm down

**Damien:** ...I'll set fire to your house.

**Cartman:** wat did u just say? i cant here u over the sounds of farting

**Damien:** Anyway.

**Damien:** I need your help in killing my father, since most of the demons and people around me right now are either too weak and stupid, or don't wish to participate.

**Cartman:** are u saying im strong and smart then fart boy

**Cartman:** cause no homo

**Damien:** No. I'm not. You just seem to have a knack for coming up with ridiculous schemes that somehow work. What does 'no homo' even mean, anyway? I have never come across the phrase before. Homo Sapiens, maybe?

**Cartman:** doesnt matter, fart boy. u should tell every1 u are a homo tho

**Damien:** But I'm not a Homo Sapiens, really, am I? I'm the Prince Of Darkness's son.

**Cartman:** just do it

**Damien:** Fine.

**Damien:** They're all laughing. I don't understand.

**Cartman:** who nos

**Damien:** A servant has just told me why.

**Damien:** I hate you.

**Cartman:** LOLOLOL

**Damien:** Since you've had your fun by having both humiliated me and bringing up a childhood nickname, will you finally help me now?

**Cartman:** lemme think about it for a sec

**Damien:** So...?

**Cartman:** um

**Cartman:** no.

**Damien:** What on Earth could you have to do that's more important than killing Satan!?

**Cartman:** watching terrance and phillip obvs

**Damien:** I AM DONE. MY PATIENCE HAS BEEN TRIED. YOU WILL BURN YOU INSIGNIFICANT SCUM.

**Cartman:** lmao

**Cartman:** wanna go bro

**Damien:** WHEN YOU DIE I WILL GET MY REVENGE. AN ETERNITY OF TORTURE AND SUFFERING AWAITS YOU, ERIC CARTMAN.

**Cartman:** lolz k then

**Cartman:** fart boy

**Damien:** ARGHHHH

* * *

**A/N: Damien and Cartman for MihwaSawhnchs! **

**Even the Son Of Satan finds Cartman too much to handle... **


	40. Randy and Stan

**Randy:** STAN

**Stan:** dad wtf do you want from me

**Randy:** THATS NO WAY TO SPEAK TO YOUR FATHER, STAN

**Stan:** its 3am. why are you typing in all caps

**Randy:** I DONT KNOW

**Randy:** I GOT THE BUTTON STUCK I THINK

**Randy:** STAN

**Stan:** what

**Randy:** COME HELP YOUR DAD OUT

**Randy:** STAN

**Stan:** i can hear you shouting out the messages youre sending me in the next room. why

**Randy:** DONT QUESTION ME STAN

**Stan:** this is why mom wants to leave you

**Randy:** NOW YOU SHUT UP STAN

**Stan:** where even is mom

**Randy:** DOWNSTAIRS

**Stan:** on the couch again

**Randy:** YES

**Randy:** STAN

**Stan:** WHAT.

**Randy:** IS YOUR CAPS STUCK ON TO, STAN

**Stan:** no. im just angry and tired

**Randy:** COME HELP YOUR DAD, STAN

**Randy:** STAN

**Randy:** STAN

**Stan:** what do you want from me. go away dad

**Randy:** GO GET SHELLY

**Stan:** why

**Randy:** GO GET SHELLY

**Stan:** i said why

**Randy:** SHE'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO

**Stan:** she said she'd beat me up if i went in her room again, though

**Randy:** WE ALL HAVE TO MAKE SACRIFICES, STAN

**Randy:** YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS SACRIFICE SO YOUR FATHER CAN TYPE IN LOWER CASE AGAIN LIKE THE NORMAL PEOPLE

**Stan:** dad you were never one of the 'normal people'

**Randy:** STAN

**Stan:** what.

**Randy:** GO GET SHELLY

**Stan:** dad

**Randy:** STAN

**Randy:** GO GET SHELLY

**Stan:** no

**Randy:** STAN

**Randy:** STAN

**Randy:** STAN

**Stan:** fine

**Randy:** GOOD

**Stan:** she punched me

**Randy:** DONT BE A PUSSY STAN

**Stan:** im coming through

**Randy:** STAN

**Stan:** wait there

**Randy:** oh!

**Randy:** thanks, stan!

**Randy:** i never knew that that button made it go on caps lock!

**Stan:** now you know

**Stan:** night dad

**Randy:** sTAN

**Stan:** what

**Randy:** cAN YOU GO GET SHELLY

**Stan:** fuck off.

* * *

**A/N: Randy and Stan for RockQueen98 and ParadoxPoca! EVERYBODY LOVES RANDY lol**


	41. Clyde and Craig 2

**Clyde:** i have thought long and hard

**Craig:** That's new.

**Clyde:** so hard, my dick got hard 2

**Craig:** And there was I was, thinking you had erectile dysfunction. Well done, Clyde.

**Clyde:** wat

**Craig:** Never mind.

**Clyde:** anyways

**Craig:** What.

**Clyde:** i have come 2 a conclusion

**Clyde:** about bebe

**Clyde:** and the rest of the girls

**Clyde:** i have figured out how 2 court them

**Craig:** This should be good.

**Clyde:** if i sing them a song do u think they would be flattered

**Craig:** You sound like a dying whale when you sing.

**Clyde:** maybe a little sing song will change ur mind ;)

**Craig:** No.

**Clyde:** I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CAN NOT LIE

**Clyde:** U OTHER BROTHERS CANT DENY

**Craig:** Please, just stop. You'll embarrass yourself. Well, more than usual, that is.

**Clyde:** THAT WHEN A GIRL WALK IN WITH AN ITTY BITTY WAIST AND A ROUND THING I YOUR FACE U GET SPRUNG

**Craig:** No. Just. No.

**Clyde:** WANNA PULL OUT UR TOUGH CAUSE U NOTICE THAT BUTT WAS STUFFED

**Craig:** I'm pretty sure Sir Mix-A-Lot is a washed up star now.

**Clyde:** DEEP IN THE JEANS SHES WEARING

**Clyde:** IM HOOKED AND I CAN'T STOP STARING

**Craig:** That song was in a Shrek movie. Think about that.

**Clyde:** OH BABY I WANNA GET WITH U AND TAKE UR PICTURE

**Clyde:** MY HOMEBOYS TRIED TO WARN ME BUT THAT BUTT U GOT MAKES ME SO HORNY

**Craig:** Clyde. Stop. I will end you.

**Clyde:** OOOOH RUMP-O-SMOOTH SKIN U WANNA GET IN MY BENZ?

**Craig:** I'm being serious.

**Clyde:** WELL USE ME USE ME

**Clyde:** CAUSE U AINT THAT AVERAGE GROUPIE

**Craig:** I will piss on everything you own.

**Clyde:** IVE SEEN THEM DANCIN TO HELL WITH ROMANCIN

**Clyde:** SHES SWEAT WET GOT IT GOING LIKE A TURBO VETTE

**Craig:** OK, I'm gone now. Bye.

**Clyde:** IM TIRED OF MAGAZINES SAYING FLAT BUTTS ARE THE THING

**Clyde:** CRAIG

**Clyde:** CRAIG

**Clyde:** HELLO?

**Clyde:** shit.

* * *

**A/N: Clyde and Craig lyrics thingy for ParadoxPoca! Clyde makes his grand return- we all know who the real main character of this story is lmao**


	42. Cartman and Token

**Cartman:** we meat again token

**Token:** who the fuck gave you my number.

**Cartman:** noone

**Cartman:** i am just a stealthe ninja

**Token:** so you stole my phone basically.

**Cartman:** who nos

**Cartman:** coulda bean kahl

**Cartman:** hes a ginga ninja so

**Cartman:** betta watch out

**Token:** are you really that stupid or…?

**Cartman:** ok bee quiet count blackula and lemme finnish

**Token:** are we actually doing this right now. like, really. i don't want to waste the energy of typing out a response on you.

**Cartman:** ur just butthurt

**Token:** well at least i don't look like a butt.

**Cartman:** WELL AT LEAST IM NOT A RICH BLACK ASSHOLE

**Token:** at least i'm not a racist, anti-semetic, homophobic, sexist fatass.

**Cartman:** DO U WANNA FUCKING GO

**Token:** where? to mcdonalds so you can gain even more weight? no thanks.

**Cartman:** I WILL MUTHERFUCKIN DESTROY U

**Cartman:** BECUZ I AM SUPER STRONG AND NOT FAT

**Cartman:** AND UR JUST JEALOUS

**Token:** i'm not. believe me. i really don't want to be seen akin to anything you do or stand by.

**Cartman:** I WILL GOUGE OUT UR EYES

**Token:** oh my god, thank you. then i won't have to look at your face anymore.

**Cartman:** AUGSYHFLKGFRABJFK

**Token:** ok, bye then.

**Cartman:** FUCK U

* * *

**A/N: Cartman and Token for SuperFlandreBros! **

**Sorry for the lack of updates, my computer was getting fixed and then I kind of just sat around playing Bully and sleeping a lot... But now I'm back! And there will probably be a shitstorm of new texts and stuff.**


	43. Kyle and Stan 2

**Stan:** so

**Stan:** i

**Stan:** uh

**Stan:** i heard the rumours

**Stan:** about you having a crush on me

**Kyle:** Fuck.

**Kyle:** Dude, don't listen to what ANYONE tells you. They're not true.

**Stan:** i kinda figured

**Kyle: **Oh. Good.

**Stan:** can i just say something dude

**Kyle:** Yeah?

**Stan:** i just want to say that even if you were gay id still love you and youd still be my super best friend alright?

**Kyle:** But I'm not gay.

**Stan:** yeah but still

**Stan:** just in case

**Kyle:** Dude, I'm _not_ gay.

**Stan:** i mean im totally cool with it and everything

**Stan:** if you were gay

**Stan:** you know

**Kyle:** But I'm not.

**Stan:** yeah of course

**Stan:** but still

**Stan:** if you were gay youd still be kyle broflovski to me

**Stan:** not fag

**Stan:** or gay

**Stan:** or queer

**Stan:** or twink

**Stan:** or ginger jew faggot

**Stan:** just kyle

**Kyle:** I'm not gay, though.

**Stan:** shhh

**Stan:** kyle its ok

**Stan:** im here for you

**Stan:** ill always be here and dont you forget that

**Kyle:** Are you being serious right now. I'm. Not. Gay.

**Stan:** yes i am being serious dont try and deny your feelings

**Stan:** hell, i think all of us have had some gay fantasies at some point

**Kyle:** What.

**Stan:** i remember i had that one about john elway when i was young

**Stan:** and then i discovered what a boner was

**Stan:** good times

**Stan:** but i mean

**Stan:** im straight obviously

**Kyle:** Dude, what the actual fuck. John Elway. Seriously?

**Stan:** ok dont you go judging my taste in men

**Kyle:** I probably wouldn't go telling Wendy about this if I were you, Stan.

**Stan:** about your crush? man, she already knows. i think she wants to hang you

**Kyle:** No, not about my made-up crush, that I _don't have._

**Stan:** what then?

**Kyle:** You know what? I give up.

**Stan:** look i mean we can go on a date if you want

**Stan:** like

**Stan:** a super best friend date

**Stan:** so it wouldnt be weird or nothing

**Stan:** im sure wendy wouldnt mind

**Stan:** kyle

**Stan:** kyle?

**Stan:** its ok dude

**Stan:** if you want some time alone to come to terms with your sexuality thats ok

**Stan:** and then we can go on a date

**Stan:** a friend date

**Stan:** for friends

**Stan:** not boyfriends

**Stan:** probably

**Stan:** so its not gay

**Stan:** not that theres anything wrong with being gay

**Stan:** ok bi then

**Stan:** i meant 'bye' not 'bi'

**Stan:** fuck autocorrect dude. seriously

**Stan:** because im not bi

**Stan:** at all

**Stan:** i am straight

**Stan:** ok straight then

* * *

**A/N: Stan and Kyle for MFSL, the Guest and Dolium-Praedonum! **

**Also, Unknown the Guest, I tried to do Karen and Stan and I just couldn't make it work since they're such a random pair! Sorry, dude!**


	44. Stan and Clyde

**Stan:** am i the onley one who thiuhnks kayl has a hottttttt butt or

**Clyde:** are u ok dude

**Stan:** i just luev his fac e

**Clyde: **so is that a no then

**Stan:** he dint want to go on a friedn date

**Stan:** why kuhl

**Clyde:** is this what happens when u take alcohol

**Stan:** shut up kennnn

**Clyde:** im clyde, dude

**Stan:** ohh

**Stan:** ur not kennney

**Clyde:** yeah i kinda figured that one out for myself

**Stan:** imposter get out the club uhj

**Clyde:** im not used to bein the responsible adult can u stop

**Stan:** does kyel got the booteh

**Stan:** he dooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Clyde:** whenever ur faced with a problem do u just get drunk

**Stan:** yea

**Clyde:** huh

**Clyde:** i should try that some time

**Stan:** i am a jack daneils kinda man

**Stan:** but jack can suck a dikc

**Stan:** i am jacks brokun heart

**Clyde:** u dont know how to type properly but u are quoting fight club to me. where are ur priorities when ur drunk, man

**Stan:** why the fuck din the main char have a name

**Clyde:** i dont know

**Clyde:** ive never watched that movie

**Stan:** u know wat

**Stan:** me and u are gon watchh fight club

**Stan:** cuz that movie is grate

**Stan:** i like the bitty when they blew up buildings

**Stan:** like woah

**Stan:** u blew up the buildings

**Stan:** boooooooom

**Clyde:** im gonna just go now

**Stan:** byeee

* * *

**A/N: Stan and Clyde for the Guest and KennyDiedAgain!**

**And on a side note, SwaazzyZoo, I'm sorry I can't do Gracie! I've never read the fanfic and I'm trying to keep to the shows characters and not OC's if that's alright.**


	45. Thomas and Craig

**Craig:** I've finally got your number.

**Thomas:** craig? uh, what do you wantt?

**Craig:** I want to do your laundry.

**Thomas:** its ok! You dont need to that

**Craig:** Why don't you love me, Thomas.

**Thomas:** because youre fucking scary! yoou stalked me and its really really creepy ok

**Craig:** Thomas.

**Craig:** You're the coolest kid in the whole world.

**Craig:** Just let me do your laundry.

**Thomas:** no! for fuck sakes, no!

**Craig:** Please.

**Craig:** I want to inhale your manly scent.

**Thomas:** holy fuck

**Thomas:** this is what i meant

**Thomas:** this is exactly what i meant when i called you creepy

**Craig:** Why, Thomas.

**Thomas:** just no

**Thomas:** i moved towns

**Thomas:** i was suffering from tourettes and all this stuff and i had to add the stress of mmoving towns because of you

**Craig:** Thomas.

**Thomas:** im freaking out

**Thomas:** how did you even get my number

**Craig:** I'm outside your house, Thomas.

**Thomas:** holy fucking shit

**Craig:** It's nice to hear you swear, Thomas. You can get away with it. If I could, I'd be _sooo _happy.

**Thomas:** im not swearing because i can. im swearing because im scared out of my goddamn mind

**Craig:** Oh. Why aren't you swearing, anyway.

**Thomas:** i dontt type it down

**Thomas:** idiot

**Craig:** What about your Tourette's.

**Thomas:** it makess me say it, not write it

**Thomas:** and thats coprolalia, not tourettes

**Thomas:** its a side symptom

**Craig:** Oh. That's kind of interesting.

**Thomas:** i know, right?

**Craig:** Well, I better put this chloroform down now.

**Thomas:** what

**Craig:** Anyway, I'm not as entranced by having a conversation with you as you're not doing your comical swearing, so I have to go. I wonder if Tweek's interested in hooking up…

**Thomas:** god help that poor bboy

* * *

**A/N: Thomas and Craig for IcedFireFrenzy!**

**Craig was such a creep in Le Petit Tourette. It was great. **


	46. Clyde and Craig 3

**Clyde:** oh my god

**Craig:** What happened. Not that I care.

**Clyde:** fucking stan, man

**Craig:** Was he drunk-texting you.

**Clyde:** yeah! howd u know?

**Craig:** He does it to everyone at least once.

**Craig:** At least you didn't spend the better half of last night hiding in a bush.

**Clyde:** why the fuck were u in a bush

**Craig:** Thomas.

**Clyde:** craig why

**Clyde:** u have fucking scarred that guy

**Clyde:** plus tweek has a total boner for u

**Craig:** He does not. Do you think I would go after Thomas if I had Tweek, anyway.

**Clyde:** im not gonna 2 answer that

**Craig:** By the way, speaking of Marsh, I need something from you.

**Clyde:** no

**Craig:** I haven't even asked what yet.

**Clyde:** no

**Craig:** I lent you $3.

**Clyde:** ok fineeee

**Craig:** Marsh said you own some adult magazines.

**Clyde:** what do u mean by adult

**Clyde:** cause my dad has sports magazines

**Clyde:** theyre adult

**Craig:** Don't be difficult.

**Clyde:** come on craig dont be a pussy

**Craig:** You have some adult erotica magazines.

**Clyde:** wtf craig

**Clyde:** come on

**Clyde:** or else i wont part with them

**Craig:** Some dirty magazines.

**Clyde:** i did drop one on the floor yesterday

**Clyde:** i guess its kind of dirty

**Craig:** Fine.

**Craig:** Porn.

**Craig:** Marsh said you had some porn magazines, alright.

**Clyde:** u got there in the end

**Clyde:** but yeah

**Clyde:** i am the man to come to for good porn mags

**Clyde:** i got everything

**Craig:** How do you even get them.

**Clyde:** sneak them from my dad

**Clyde:** hes been lonely since mom kicked the bucket

**Craig:** Oh. Sorry.

**Clyde:** nah, its alright

**Clyde:** so why exactly does craig limp dick tucker need some porn magazines

**Craig:** They're not for me, dumbass.

**Craig:** I need them to get rid of Kenny. He won't stop bugging me for cigarettes.

**Clyde:** eh ok

**Clyde:** but if ur just using an excuse there is no shame in wanting them

**Clyde:** but u have 2 pay

**Craig:** Come on. Seriously.

**Clyde:** u drive a hard bargain mr tucker

**Clyde:** shame ur dick cant get hard 2

**Clyde:** i will give u a few for free

**Clyde:** just cuz were buddies

**Clyde:** dont tell anyone tho

**Clyde:** i got a solid business goin on here

**Craig:** I don't even want to think about it.

**Clyde:** oh yeah

**Clyde:** forgot ur a prude

**Clyde:** well. most of the time, anyway

**Craig:** I'll pick them up later. Bye.

**Clyde:** bye craigy

* * *

**A/N: Craig and Clyde for Tori the Guest! **

**This is the third Craig and Clyde, holy shit. And I'm incredibly surprised there's any kind of consistency or links to previous chapters at all- that's a first for me!**


	47. Stan and Shelly

**Shelly:** mom said dinners ready, turd

**Stan:** my head hurts like hell cause of my hangover and everythings shit again, so can you just not

**Shelly:** are you questioning me

**Stan:** uh

**Stan:** no of course not

**Stan:** gimme 10 minutes

**Shelly:** 3 minutes

**Stan:** 8 minutes

**Shelly:** 2 minutes

**Stan:** 5 minutes?

**Shelly:** fine 5 minutes

**Stan:** thanks

**Shelly:** you wasted 3 minutes attempting to argue with me so now you have 2 minutes

**Stan:** fuck

**Shelly:** im gonna tell mom you swore

**Stan:** im gonna tell mom about my black eye and how you tried to push me down the stairs

**Shelly:** she wont believe you because youre just a stupid little kid

**Stan:** …i know

**Shelly:** why were you singing i want to hold your hand at 3am last night btw

**Stan:** its complicated

**Shelly:** so was it wendy or kyle

**Stan:** wtf

**Stan:** youre threatening me one second and then inquiring on my day/night the next

**Shelly:** eh

**Shelly:** 30 seconds now

**Shelly:** you better be at that table, squirt

**Shelly:** so anyway was it kyle

**Stan:** screw you

**Shelly:** omg it totally was

**Shelly:** i knew it

**Stan:** if i run through right now and sit at the dinner table will you stop

**Shelly:** probably

**Stan:** good enough for me

**Stan:** bye

**Shelly:** im still telling mom you swore, turd

**Stan:** dammit

* * *

**A/N: Stan and Shelly for RockQueen98! **


	48. Clyde and Kyle

**Clyde:** omfg

**Kyle:** Dude, what?

**Clyde:** omfggg

**Kyle:** Clyde, are you ok?

**Clyde:** s tan was right

**Clyde:** this is amhazing

**Clyde:** im not sad anymo

**Kyle:** Did Stan give you alcohol.

**Clyde:** maby

**Kyle:** For fucks sake. Why is he my best friend, again? Because he's a goddamn moron.

**Clyde:** becuz u want his dingaling duh

**Kyle:** What the fuck is a 'ding-a-ling'.

**Clyde:** u just neeed the d

**Clyde:** its all u need

**Clyde:** so u wont be such a deebbie downer all the tyme

**Kyle:** I don't really need advice from a guy like you, Clyde.

**Clyde:** uh excuse u

**Clyde:** ur just jelous cause im havin more fun then u

**Kyle:** I have a lot of fun.

**Clyde:** ur probably playin fukcing scrabble

**Kyle:** Fuck off.

**Clyde:** kyle i need ta tell u somethin

**Kyle:** Why do all the drunks text me.

**Clyde:** y does noone wanna go out with me

**Clyde:** im handsum right

**Clyde:** i dont get it

**Clyde:** fuckin bebe and goddamn wend

**Clyde:** an all the other girls

**Clyde:** mabe i should just be gay like U

**Kyle:** Nope, I'm out.

**Kyle:** Enjoy wallowing in your drunken misery, Clyde.

**Clyde:** wait

**Clyde:** wat did i do

* * *

**A/N: Drunk! Clyde and Kyle for the Guest!**

**And holy fucking shit, there are over 150 reviews on this story now. That's amazing. Thank you guys so much! **


	49. Kyle and Cartman 2

**Cartman:** helo kahl

**Kyle:** Goddammit. I've spent the better half today talking to morons- I don't want to continue with it.

**Cartman:** u got a lil sand in ur vagina keehl?

**Kyle:** I don't have any fucking sand in my fucking vagina.

**Cartman:** so like wat else is up their 2 aggravate u kahl

**Kyle:** There's nothing in my vagina that shouldn't be there.

**Cartman:** r u sure

**Cartman:** y dont u ever deny havin a vagina tho

**Kyle:** Fuck.

**Kyle:** As far as I know, I have all the parts of a male Homo sapiens and not of a female. So, no, I don't have a fucking vagina, Cartman.

**Cartman:** did u just admitt to bein a homo

**Cartman:** ha! now i hav prooff!

**Cartman:** im totalleh gonna screenshot this and send it 2 evereone

**Kyle:** You're a Homo sapiens as well, dumbass.

**Cartman:** u wish

**Kyle:** I just don't get how you can be so stupid. Like… How?

**Cartman:** fuck u and ur gay fantasees

**Cartman:** every1 is goin to no about u and stan

**Kyle:** Why do you ever care? And, as I've stated to the last 547027540 people; I'm. Not. Gay.

**Cartman:** ur most liklee

**Cartman:** even tho trey said stan was most liklee a fag in an intervuw

**Kyle:** …Who's Trey?

Cartman: fuck i did it again

**Cartman:** i broke the 4th wall

**Cartman:** fuuuuuck

**Kyle:** Dude, what's the 4th wall? Don't tell me you're drunk to.

**Cartman:** theyre watchin us kahl…

**Cartman:** always watchin…

**Kyle:** You're sounding like Tweek. Have you lost it, dude?

**Cartman:** fuck of and anyways i gotta go and spred your sexualitea 2 every1

**Cartman:** bye joo

**Kyle:** ...What the actual fuck just happened.

* * *

**A/N: Cartman and Kyle for mormar1! **

**After seeing theboom's nice review, I recall Trey saying in an interview somewhere that he thought Stan was the one out of the boys who was most likely gay, which was kinda interesting! Now, I need to dig that interview up again... Also, someone tell Cartman to stop breaking 4th walls!**


	50. Trent and Butters

**Trent:** so we meet again.

**Butters:** oh, trent! howdy! uh what brings you here?

**Butters:** weren't you in juvenile hall or somethin'? :o

**Trent:** yeah. thanks to your dumbass friends.

**Butters:** oh… well, they ain't all that bad! they just don't think things through very well, is all!

**Butters:** how'd you get out, anyways? :/

**Butters:** please don't tell me you've been breakin' laws again! :O

**Trent:** i never broke any fucking laws. your 'friends' are lying bastards.

**Trent:** and i managed to dig a hole to freedom. some kid by the name of 'ze mole' or something helped me out. weird guy. kept rambling about guard dogs and his hatred for god. i think he was french.

**Trent:** turns out he despised cartman and co. almost as much as me. seems like a lot of people are out to get you guys.

**Butters:** ah, yeah… eric has made a lot of people awful mad in his lifetime! :(

**Butters:** i think he just wants some attention. under that hard sadistic exterior, i think there's a confused and frightened little pussy of a boy who just needs some love! ^_^

**Trent:** i call bullshit.

**Butters:** ok, mister, don't you just go around crushin' people theories! :(

**Trent:** then you don't go around getting people sent to juvie.

**Butters:** now, that wasn't my fault! i was only a youngen when it happened! :(

**Trent:** so was i.

**Trent:** and now i'm out.

**Butters:** for the love of jesus, son o mary, wife o joseph- i don't want another titty-twister! D:

**Trent:** i'd watch your back if i were you.

**Butters:** ho, boy…

* * *

**A/N: Trent and Butters for Anne Boleyn the Guest! Sorry it wasn't very, uh, date-y!**

**This is the 50th South Park Texts! *throws confetti and balloons* But seriously, thank you so much for all the views, follows, favourites and reviews! It means a lot, and all you guys are super nice.**

**Now let's see if we can get to the 100th Text... **


	51. Bebe and Kenny

**Bebe:** Hey, Ken!

**Kenny:** (Sup.)

**Bebe:** Do you wanna hang out later?

**Kenny:** (Eh, sure. I'll come round after I drop off Karen at soccer practice. I gotta help Kevin out with some stuff too so I might take a while.)

**Bebe:** Uh, you know when you come round?

**Kenny:** (Yeah?)

**Bebe:** Can you bring my heels? I know I let you borrow them, but I'd quite like them back! Wendy and I are going on a girl's night out tomorrow so I kind of need them, if that's OK!

**Kenny:** (But I didn't borrow them.)

**Bebe:** Kenny… Are you really going to do this?

**Kenny:** (I don't know what you're talking about.)

**Bebe:** Fine.

**Bebe:** …Can you ask Princess Kenny if I can have my heels back?

**Kenny:** (Uh, let me go see if I can find her. One sec.)

**Bebe:** I can't believe this.

**Kenny:** Hey, girl! Hehe, Kenny said you wanted to talk to me! ^_^

**Bebe:** Princess, can I have my heels back, pretty please?

**Kenny:** No, because you're a gross bitch who looks awful in those shoes! ^o^

**Bebe:** Really…?

**Bebe:** Just give me back the shoes.

**Kenny:** Um… Lemme think… (^‿^✿)

**Kenny:** No! \^o^/

**Bebe:** You're a total asshole when you get like this, Kenny.

**Kenny:** I'm royalty! I can do whatever the fuck I want, hoe! ^o^

**Bebe:** Come on. Hand over the shoes. And stop using exclamation marks so excessively.

**Kenny:** Nope! Suck a dick!

**Bebe:** Fuck off.

**Kenny: **Bitch!

**Kenny:** (I managed to get the phone back from her. Did she say I could give you your heels back?)

**Kenny:** (Oh God, she's crying. What did you do?)

**Bebe:** Just… Keep the heels.

**Kenny:** (The Princess says thanks.)

**Bebe:** I think you've gone insane, Kenny… This is literally why I don't ask you out on dates.

**Kenny:** (Wow. Rude.)

* * *

**A/N: Bebe and Kenny for the Guest! **


	52. Tweek and Craig 2

**Craig:** So, Tweek.

**Tweek:** hi cRaig!

**Tweek:** oh shit IM Sorry i used the exclamation maRK i probably sounded waaaay 2 eager oh god iM SORRY DONT THINK IM WEIRD

**Craig:** I didn't really think much of it until you pointed it out. Stop freaking out, dude.

**Tweek:** ngh

**Craig:** Was it really necessary to type out your verbal tic.

**Tweek:** yES

**Craig:** OK, jeez. You doing anything tonight?

**Tweek:** gonna play WoW and thEn maybe do gnome lookout

**Craig:** Nice.

**Tweek:** u?

**Craig:** Nothing much. I'm gonna watch some old Red Racer reruns. Probably going to go to bed early.

**Tweek:** uh

**Tweek:** my mom made me pIzza and i dont think i can eat it all by myself…

**Craig:** Are you trying to invite me over.

**Tweek:** mAYBE

**Tweek:** buT ONLY IF U WANT 2

**Craig:** Yeah, I'd like that.

**Tweek:** oh

**Tweek:** goOd

**Tweek:** heh

**Craig:** You make the coffee and I'll grab some good movies and my sleeping bag.

**Tweek:** ur staying over?

**Craig:** If that's OK. I just assumed I would be, considering how late it is.

**Tweek:** aWesome i need some1 who can help keep the gnomes at bay

**Craig:** Does this mean you're going to wake me up at 3:30am again.

**Tweek:** maybe

**Craig:** With a sieve on your head, wielding a wooden spoon like a sword and screaming in my face about the gnome army attacking.

**Tweek:** …maYbe

**Craig:** Sounds good. I'll be over in a few minutes.

**Tweek: **cOol! and aLso, craig?

**Craig:** Yeah.

**Tweek:** u dont need a sleeping bAg

**Craig:** Sweet. See you in moment, Tweekers.

**Tweek:** bye craIg!

**Tweek:** OH GOD I USED THE EXCLAMATION MARK AGAIN IM SORRY

* * *

**A/N: Tweek and Craig for My Own Little Universe!**

***sobs* The OTP...**


	53. Randy and Shelly

**Randy:** SHELLY

**Shelly:** omg dad what

**Randy:** YOU NEED TO GO TO THE STORE RIGHT NOW

**Shelly:** why

**Shelly:** and stop caps raging

**Randy:** ITS IMPORTANT

**Randy:** AND CAPS MAKE ME LOOK MORE IMPORTANT OK

**Shelly:** you were literally complaining about being stuck on caps a few days ago and now you're using them out of moronic choice

**Randy:** SHELLY JUST GRAB THE MONEY OFF THE TABLE AND GO TO THE STORE

**Shelly:** is this for an emergency or do you just need beer

**Randy:** HAVING NO BEER IS AN EMERGENCY, SHELLY

**Randy:** GO

**Randy:** IM WATCHING FOOD NETWORK AND I NEED MY BEER

**Shelly:** you know they're not going to believe im the legal age, right

**Shelly:** you might as well ask stan. he probably has some spare alcohol

**Randy:** SHELLY STOP BEING RIDICULOUS AND ACCUSING YOU BROTHER OF BEING AN ALCOHOLIC

**Randy:** AND IT'S A DISEASE- BEING AN ALCOHOLIC ISN'T A CHOICE, SHELLY

**Shelly:** i kind of understand why stan turned to drink if he has to put up with this regularly

**Randy:** SHELLY

**Shelly:** fine ill go

**Shelly:** but you so owe me, dad

**Randy:** WHATEVER, JUST GO

**Randy:** THANK YOU SHELLY

**Shelly:** i cant believe you

* * *

**A/N: Shelly and Randy for KennyDiedAgain! ****And yeah, you can request personas if you want! The Stick Of Truth ones, their superhero ones... Hell, anything! **


End file.
